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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981859">i'm forever yours (faithfully)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/taggedasbi/pseuds/taggedasbi'>taggedasbi</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Ellie returns to Jackson, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Post-Canon, Reunion, Spoilers for Part II</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:56:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,414</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24981859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/taggedasbi/pseuds/taggedasbi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ellie makes her way back to Jackson and tries to put the pieces of her life back together. She just hopes that those pieces are still there, and hopes she knows what to do if she finds them.</p><p>MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE ENDING OF PART II</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina &amp; Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>268</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i'm forever yours (faithfully)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When she got to the boundary of their old farm, Ellie sucked in a deep breath to steady herself. So, Dina had gone back to Jackson, presumably. She had left clean sheets along with all of Ellie’s things in the house. Did that mean Dina wanted her to stay away? Or did she want to leave it up to Ellie to decide? Whatever the case, Ellie couldn’t stay here. Wouldn’t. She had to let Dina know she was alive, at least. And, Ellie hoped, she had to find a way to show the love of her life that she’d stick around this time, for as long as Dina would have her. That’s if she wanted Ellie at all now. She shrugged off the weight of that thought and pushed through the gate, and began the journey back to Jackson.</p><p> </p><p>»»---------------------►</p><p> </p><p>The lights of Jackson began to flicker on as the sun lowered and Ellie approached the gates. Someone keeping watch called out, although Ellie didn’t recognise the voice.</p><p>“Hey! Ellie’s back! Open the gates!”</p><p>Ellie waved up at the sentry, stumbling forward with what little energy she had left. Two men Ellie recognised pushed the doors to Jackson open. After passing through, Ellie dropped to her knees. The relief of her return gripped her, and her energy finally gave way to the overwhelming exhaustion of her trek. The feeling of relief didn’t last all that long, because of course it wouldn’t. </p><p>“Fuck, Ellie, you’re bitten.”</p><p>The man who had just welcomed Ellie into the gates pulled his handgun out and aimed it steadily at her head. Ellie stayed on her knees and held up her arms with her bitten hand on display.</p><p>“Ben, it’s not from an infected. I got it fighting the woman who killed Joel, which was a few weeks ago. She took my fingers, too. Look.”</p><p>Ellie tried to wiggle her missing fingers, but the gesture wasn’t as impressive as Ellie had hoped. Ben didn’t seem to trust her, either. </p><p>“Can you just get Maria? She can see for herself that I’m clean. Just don’t fucking tell Tommy, okay?”</p><p>She tried to sound confident and convincing, and Ben finally seemed to be swayed by her words. He motioned to someone behind her.</p><p>“Hey, can you go get Maria? I’ll keep her here, in an empty stable. If she starts to turn, I’ll take care of it.”</p><p>Someone takes off jogging towards the centre of town as Ben circles behind her.</p><p>“C’mon Ellie, get up. If you try anything, I won’t hesitate.”</p><p>Ellie hears the safety click off on the handgun, and slowly gets to her feet. She keeps her arms raised as she and Ben move towards the stables.</p><p> </p><p>»»---------------------►</p><p> </p><p>Ellie waits in her makeshift cell for what seems like forever before anyone else approaches. When Ben finally stops staring her down, Ellie breathes out her relief quietly. </p><p>“Ben, what the fuck are you doing? Point that gun somewhere else.”</p><p>Ellie still can’t see her, but Maria’s familiar stern voice sends another wave of relief through her exhausted body. </p><p>“But, Maria, she’s got a bite, I think it might be from an infected.”</p><p>“Has she shown any signs of turning?” </p><p>“No, not yet.”</p><p>“Alright then, I’ve got this covered Ben. Go be with your family. And Ben, I don’t want the whole town gossiping about this in the morning, you understand?”</p><p>“Sure thing, Maria. Just, be careful.”</p><p>With that, Ben lowers his gun and heads out of the stable. When Maria steps into her field of vision, all Ellie can see are the tears that have just started rolling down her cheeks. Ellie’s not sure she’s ever seen Maria cry, not even when Tommy left for Seattle, or when she heard about Joel. She steps into the makeshift holding cell and wordlessly pulls Ellie into a hug. Ellie, on instinct, wrapped her arms around Maria tightly.</p><p>“Thank God you’re alive. I swear, if Tommy had gotten you killed…”</p><p>Maria broke off with a sob, and Ellie held on a little tighter. </p><p>“I’m okay, I promise. Are we alone?”</p><p>Maria pulled away from the hug, and glanced quickly around the stables to check.</p><p>“Yeah, we are. What happened to you?”</p><p>Ellie sunk to the floor, the exhaustion pulling again at her body.</p><p>“Well, I found Abby. She was in Santa Barbara, like Tommy said. She’d been imprisoned by some sick fucks down there, they were basically slavers. So, I found her, and I fought her. She bit off my fingers,” Ellie waved her injured hand with a grimace, “and then I held her underwater. I had her, she was drowning, and then…” Ellie swallowed dryly, and averted her gaze. “I couldn’t do it. I let her go. Her and that boy from Seattle. She was looking out for him like Joel did for me. I just couldn’t do it, I’m sorry.”</p><p>It was Ellie’s turn to cry. She sat on the floor of the stable, crying into the sleeve of her shirt. A hand gripped her shoulder, and she looked up to see Maria’s teary smile. </p><p>“He’d be proud of you, I think. I know I am. Joel wanted to give you a chance at life, and you’ve chosen to honour it.”</p><p>Ellie’s sobs fall out of her, and she feels Maria sit beside her and wrap an arm around her while she cries. Ever since she’d let Abby go, she knew in her gut that it was the right call. She had to end it, and killing her wouldn’t have ended anything. Not the pain, or the guilt, or the panic. But Ellie had been so damn scared that she was too weak to kill Abby. Mostly, she was terrified that she’d done the wrong thing by Joel and Jesse, having spared their killer. It helped that Maria understood, more than she could possibly know. </p><p>“Did you actually get bitten by an infected?”</p><p>“Yeah, down in Santa Barbara. One of those fuckers down there, they called themselves Rattlers, tried to feed me to a clicker. I got a bite, but he got his entire arm eaten before he died.”</p><p>“Jesus, Ellie. Ben seemed pretty suspicious, so I think it might be best if you stay here the night. We’ll prove to him in the morning that it must have been a human bite. I’ll go get you some blankets and some food. Anything else you need?”</p><p>Ellie was quiet for a moment, needing to know the answer but scared to ask the question.</p><p>“Dina? And JJ? They’re here?”</p><p>Maria smiled softly at her.</p><p>“Yeah, they moved back in a little while ago. Dina’s back at her old place. And they’re both doing well, I’ve made sure of that.”</p><p>Ellie sagged with relief. </p><p>“Thanks, Maria. Can we keep this from her until tomorrow? I want to let her know I’m back, but in my own way.”</p><p>“Course we can. I’ll be back in a bit, try and get some rest, Ellie.”</p><p> </p><p>»»---------------------►</p><p> </p><p>Ellie stood at Dina’s door, wanting to knock or run inside or call out for her, but knowing she couldn’t. Not yet, anyway. Ellie left Dina, not the other way around. And it had to be Dina’s decision to let Ellie back into her and JJ’s life. All she could do was hope that Dina gave her that chance. </p><p>Instead, Ellie jammed an arrow into the railing on the porch, trapping a note against the wood and hanging Dina’s lucky bracelet over the shaft. It had taken Ellie all morning to write the note, and she had been thinking about it well before she was let out of her stable cell. She chose to write it simply, to let Dina know she was back without manipulating her into letting Ellie back in. The short message simply read ‘<em> Dina, I’m back in Jackson. If you want to see me, I’ll be at my old place waiting. If you don’t want to, I understand. Ellie.’ </em></p><p>She had wanted to say <em> I love you </em> and <em> I miss you </em> and <em> every moment without you feels like I can’t breathe </em>, but Ellie couldn’t write that. Dina had to make this choice for herself, and Ellie would respect whatever that choice was, even if it really fucking hurt. She figured she’d hurt Dina plenty, and maybe she deserved it anyway. </p><p>Without knocking or calling out, Ellie walked away.</p><p>The beginnings of autumn brought a cool breeze and small bursts of colour to the leaves of Jackson’s trees, and ordinarily Ellie would have been shivering and complaining about it. Even as the wind hit her, she couldn’t help but feel the relief of being back in Jackson, in her safe little town that had given colour to the bleak greyness of the world she had been born into. It had given her purpose after the Fireflies, and friends, and family. It had given her the opportunity to know Dina, which was Jackson’s best gift of all. Instead of heading straight back to her small house, Ellie decided to go to Joel’s. </p><p>The flowers and tributes of mourning had long since disappeared from the front steps, but the two-storey still looked as well-kept as it had when Joel lived there. Ellie wondered if Tommy spent any time looking after it, or if he just spent all his time being bitter now. Darkly, Ellie thought about what Dina might’ve done to him upon her return to Jackson. Ellie’s not even sure what she’d say to Tommy now. Part of her hopes she doesn’t see him again.</p><p>This time, when she reaches for the doorknob, her hands don’t shake.</p><p>Ellie entered and was hit with a wave of familiarity and sadness that doesn’t ache with rage like it did the last time she was here. Each carving reminded Ellie of Joel’s hands, hands that held the power to kill and create. Just like hers, really. Every painting sounds like his dumb cowboy accent she loved so much. Instead of feeling ashamed for being in his house and for not killing Abby, Ellie feels like she finally understands why Joel saved her in Salt Lake City, and can forgive him for it. </p><p>She made her way upstairs to Joel’s closet, which was a little dusty but otherwise just as she left it. Ellie took the tan jacket off the coat hanger and pulled it around herself, even though it was a little warm for it. It felt like a hug, sort of, if she closed her eyes and really imagined it. She should have hugged him the night of the dance. She remembered Joel’s relief at their conversation on the porch, and the warmth of that almost feels like one of his hugs. </p><p>When she strummed the guitars Joel built with her good hand, Ellie couldn’t help the disappointment that poured through her as she thought about how she can’t make the chords anymore with her left hand. She’d wanted to teach JJ how to play one day. That is, if Dina ever let her back in his life. Just then, Ellie gets an idea. She searches the room, finding what she was looking for after a few minutes. She flicks through the book entitled <em> Woodworking for Idiots </em>before deciding she’d better head to her place. On her way out, she grabs the photo frame of her and Joel with Shimmer.</p><p> </p><p>»»---------------------►</p><p> </p><p>Ellie waits at her place the rest of the day, waiting for Dina. She tidies her things, and places the photo of Joel next to her bed. Ellie starts reading the woodworking book.</p><p>Dina doesn’t show.</p><p> </p><p>»»---------------------►</p><p> </p><p>When Ellie wakes just as dawn is breaking, her stomach grumbles with want for food. On her way to Seth’s to pick up some breakfast, Ellie passes Dina’s. The arrow is gone from the porch, as is the letter and bracelet. She tries to accept the sting of pain, but it really fucking hurt.</p><p>Later, Ellie kills time by sketching her missing fingers and finishes reading Joel’s woodworking book.</p><p>Still, no Dina.</p><p>Ellie scolds herself for expecting Dina to show up. Ellie had really fucked things by leaving for Santa Barbara. She had to find a way to be okay with it if Dina doesn’t let her back in. </p><p>That evening, Ellie can’t sleep. She waits for hours for dreams to take over, but nothing drags her into unconsciousness. Thoughts of Dina and JJ and their farm haunt her, and with each passing minute Ellie feels the small hope she had of returning to her family falling away. Ellie really fucked up by leaving, but she feels more like herself than she can remember feeling. She needed Santa Barbara, even though it didn’t turn out like she expected. The opposite, really. But she could draw Joel’s eyes again, with the light she remembers from them before he died. Santa Barbara gave her that, at least. </p><p>After more sleeplessness, Ellie decides that some fresh air might do her good. She shrugs on Joel’s jacket, the sleeves falling past her fingertips. She carefully rolls the sleeves, being careful not to bump her left hand too much. When she pushes open her front door, she sees Dina, standing just away from her door, looking like a startled deer. She looks like she’s ready to bolt, and Ellie is nearly too late in reacting. When Dina turns on her heel to leave, Ellie calls after her. Just her name.</p><p>Dina pauses, but doesn’t turn around. </p><p>“Did you get what you wanted?” Her voice is shaky, but Dina’s attempts at stoniness fall short. </p><p>“No,” Ellie answers softly. “Well, kind of. I can sleep again, and I’m eating too. But that’s not because I found Abby or let her go. I couldn’t find what I wanted in Santa Barbara, because what I really want is here.” Ellie waits, Dina still doesn’t turn.</p><p>“You didn’t kill her?”</p><p>“Scout’s honour.” At that, she holds up her two remaining fingers and her thumb. Three fingers are three fingers, right? It was a bad joke, but Dina always liked Ellie’s bad jokes. At least, she used to.</p><p>Dina turns then, teary, and her eyes fall to Ellie’s left hand. A gasp wrenches itself from her chest, and her feet carry her back towards Ellie with worry etched into her face. </p><p>Dina still cared about her. The more Ellie had thought about it since Santa Barbara, Dina had always cared fiercely for Ellie, longer than she’d realised. The crown she made her when they were kids. The guitar pick she found on a patrol and brought it back for Ellie. The occasional flower that showed up, which Ellie thought was from Cat, and then Cat’s confusion when she asked about it and Dina suddenly and quickly leaving the room. The bracelet. Seattle. The clean sheets left for her at the farm. God, she loved her. Ellie kind of felt bad that her disfigured fingers were the reason Dina was stumbling towards her now. But, fuck, it was nice to know Dina still cared for her, even if only a little.</p><p>Dina reaches for her hand, but stops short, her own hands shaking. “Ellie...” Their eyes meet properly, for the first time in too long, and the tears in Dina’s eyes spill over. Instead of reaching for her hand, Dina throws her arms around Ellie’s neck and presses into her, gripping her tightly and sobbing into Ellie’s bruised skin. Ellie wraps her arms around Dina’s middle, hesitantly at first, but as she feels Dina melting into her, Ellie grips just as tightly and pulls her in closer.</p><p>They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other in the cool evening air, with Dina sobbing into her shoulder. At some point, Ellie had started crying too.</p><p>When Dina goes weak against her, Ellie uses the last shreds of her strength to carry more of her weight and pull her back inside. When Dina doesn’t resist, Ellie walks them slowly to her small bed and lowers Dina to sit with her on the side of the mattress. </p><p>Ellie wasn’t going to speak first, partially because she had no idea what to say to make an apology worthy enough, and partially because this reunion had to be on Dina’s terms. Ellie had left her, and it’s Dina who has to want to come back.</p><p>It’s a long time before Dina’s sobs slowed to sharp breaths, and longer still before she speaks.</p><p>“Fuck, Ellie, I thought you were- I didn’t think- Don’t you ever fucking leave again.”</p><p>Ellie tries not to let the relief flood through her, she hasn't redeemed herself yet, or made any real amends at all. “I’m here for as long as you want me. I’m sorry I hurt you so badly, Dina. I really am. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. And if you tell me to leave, I’ll go.”</p><p>Another sob rips through Dina, but it’s softened by the breathy laugh that stems from it. </p><p>“God, you never fucking listen to me. You’re not allowed to leave me again, idiot. What you can do is tell me one of your stupid jokes that I’ve missed. And it better be funny.” </p><p>There she is, the Dina that deflects with humour and finds comfort in it simultaneously. A memory of Joel flashes through her mind, but the grief-fuelled rage from Seattle and Santa Barbara had given way to melancholic mourning.</p><p>“What’s the downside of eating a clock?”</p><p> </p><p>»»---------------------►</p><p> </p><p>The next morning, Ellie and Dina are both exhausted, but fully caught up on each other’s past few months. They covered the Rattlers and the encounter with Abby on Ellie’s side, and all things JJ, moving back to Jackson, and Jesse’s unceasingly helpful parents on Dina’s end of things. Dina had asked when Ellie’s last panic attack had been, and Ellie truthfully could say that one hasn’t happened since she let Abby go in that boat. </p><p>Finally, though, Dina ends their catch-up as the sun shines through the windows. </p><p>“I should go get JJ from Jesse’s parents. They’ve been watching him the last couple of nights for me. Ever since you got back, actually, since I saw the note.”</p><p>When Ellie’s face betrayed her confusion, Dina only rolled her eyes with a blush playing at her cheeks. </p><p>“Last night wasn’t the first night I stood outside your door. The night you left the note, I came here too. I just couldn’t find the courage to knock. Part of me thought maybe it was a joke, and that you wouldn’t be here. Good thing you were, though. And good thing you walked out and caught me, too.</p><p>Ellie catches the <em> I love you </em>before it falls out of her mouth. Ellie means it, but she knows she has a ways to go to redeem herself before she’s earned those words. Instead, she just chuckles and nudges the love of her life with all the affection she can muster.</p><p>“Can I walk you back?” Ellie tried not to sound desperate, but she really missed her little Potato and would kill to see him. But Ellie knew the answer before Dina spoke.</p><p>“No, it’s okay. Get some rest and have something to eat. We’ve been up all night and you’re still wrecked from the trip. Besides, our little goober is starting to get cheeky and you’ll need your A-game to take him on.”</p><p>Ellie cries again, then. She reaches for Dina’s hands with her good hand, and gives them a gentle squeeze. </p><p>“Thank you, Dina. For this second chance I haven’t earned.”</p><p>Dina pulls away from her hand, only to reach for Ellie’s injured one. She brings it to her face and gently kisses the knuckles below the two missing fingers. </p><p>“You came back to me, so you’ve already earned this chance. And Ellie, you’re my family. You have been for a long time now, and you always will be. End of story.”</p><p>Ellie hasn’t cried this much for a long time. It doesn’t stop her feeling like she needs to build trust again with Dina and spend the rest of eternity apologising for leaving, but Dina still cares for her. And that feeling is one that warms her from the inside out, and something she won’t lose sight of again. Not for anything. Not for anyone. </p><p>Life with Dina was more than enduring and surviving. It was loving and living. It was her redemption and her salvation.</p><p> </p><p>And finally, silently, Ellie thanks Joel for giving her the chance to live.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed my personal headcanon for post-game Ellie and Dina. I genuinely enjoyed the game so much and adored the story and gameplay and characters, and as such this isn't a 'fix-it' fic as much as it's a hopeful way forward for Ellie now that she's reclaimed herself after letting Abby and my boy Lev go. </p><p>title from 'faithfully' by journey, because Ellie's 'take on me' highlighted that this very serious zombie apocolypse game concerned with the empathy and the human condition needs more 80s music.<br/>»»---------------------►<br/>"Restless hearts<br/>Sleep alone tonight<br/>Sending all my love<br/>Along the wire.</p><p>They say that the road ain't no place to start a family<br/>Right down the line it's been you and me<br/>And lovin' a music man ain't always what it's supposed to be<br/>Oh, girl, you stand by me<br/>I'm forever yours<br/>Faithfully."</p></blockquote></div></div>
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